Winter Wonderland 2K4

Quotes Page

 

If you have anything to add or remove, or any other suggestions or new quotes, please send me an e-mail on the double.

 

Vince: “Your writing looks like a left-hander’s.”

Lawrence: “Everyone says that.”

Vince: “That’s because you actually write like a four-year-old.”

 

Lawrence: “Where the fuck is my bag, Sam McGeever? I gave it to you… or possibly Ruth.”

 

Charlie:Lawrence, according to Anna Donne, your eyes are very large.”

Elle: “Take your glasses off.”

[Lawrence does so.]

Elle: “Yes, they are scarily big.”

 

Sam: “Tight bastards! They’ve auctioned off half of this cupboard!”

 

Elle: “Is Cass still with her Oxford man?”

Sam: “I hope not. He’s a wanker.”

 

Lawrence: “Don’t take the piss out of the rich. When was the last time a poor person offered you a job?”

 

[Hannah is wearing a sparkly dress.]

Pooka: “Bit pre-emptive, aren’t you, Hannah?”

Hannah: “Merry Christmas.”

 

Pooka: “There’s one mirror, two mirrors… there should be a third somewhere.”

Lawrence: “Is it a hidden mirror?”

Sam: “Maybe it’s reflecting something which doesn’t show up as a reflection.”

Elle: “Another mirror?”

 

Lawrence: “Jeff, did you drive all the way here?”

Jeff: “Yes, I drove through all the mountains.”

Lawrence: “Get any pictures?”

Jeff: “Well, I was driving…”

 

Hazel: “I am standing up. Standing up is a vertical position and therefore it is good. Horizontal is also a good position. There are many good things that can be done in a horizontal position, and some that can be done in a vertical one.”

 

A chef – Charlie?: “You’re a vegetarian. What would you know about food?”

 

[Lawrence hands Pooka a bottle.]

Lawrence: “Put that somewhere.”

[Pooka puts the bottle in Charlie’s hood.]

 

Cassie: “Have you eaten?”

Pooka: “Ever since I was a child.”

Cassie: “You’re way ahead of me, then!”

 

Jessie: (á la Little Britain: ) “Eh-eh-ehhhh!”

Scots Adam: “I just lost the game!”

Pooka: “How the hell did you lose the game from that?”

 

Pooka: “If you lose half your blood you die instantly, though.”

Jonny: “Really?”

Pooka: “No. Actually you die slowly and painfully.”

 

[Scots Adam is trying to hail Lucie and Luci.]

Scots Adam:Lucies…”

 

Alexx: “We don’t have to pay for the heating, but shut the doors! Where were people born?!”

PJ: “Do you not know Woodcraft? Everyone was born in a fuckin’ barn!”

 

Cassie: “I need…”

Pooka: “…sex!”

*long pause*

Pooka: “Just finishing the sentence for you.”

 

Pooka: “You win. But I’ve just lost. The game.”

 

Aidan: (as fun police)

[blow of whistle]

[very stern look]

(serious, deadpan) “More fun.”

 


 

IMPORTANT POINTS OF INFORMATION:

(completely blank)

 


 

[Chris is wearing a large gag emblazoned with SHUT UP.]

Pooka: “Try saying your name and see if I can hear it.”

Chris: “Chris Moore.”

Pooka: “We need more tape.”

 

Edward: “That’s what I like about the Scouts. Everything about them implies that they are about to kick your arse.”

 

Sam: “You may think ‘Folk House’ is a bit of a twee name, but you know what the Scouts’ Head Office is called? Imperial Headquarters!”

 

Chris: [holds up a picture of ‘random cheese’ he has just painted] “Next time I should do road kill.”

 

Chris: “I am now writing my own book: ‘100 Reasons Why Road Kill Makes For Good Pets’.

 

Hannah: “I want to take you to people now!”

Adam: “Take me now, Hannah!”

 

Pooka: “Jeff, say Oink!”

Jeff: “I will not say Oink… oh, damn…”

 

Dan:’Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la, fellatio!”

 

[Playing Mao.]

Pat: “It’s buggered.”

Pooka:Ungentlemanly conduct.”

Pat: “Hey! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying bu…”

Adam: “Failure to say thank you.”

Pat: *sigh* “Thank you… that’s the last time I’ll suggest this game is buggered.”

Adam & Pooka:Ungentlemanly conduct!”

 

[Playing Mao.]

Lawrence: “I’m not going completely mad, you know.”

Pooka: “Lying.”

 

Pooka: “I wanted to know who you were massaging.”

Anna S: “Cass the Ass.”

 

Jessie: “Seems like it’s been a lot more than a day.”

Adam: “Seems like it’s been a lot more than four hours.”

Pooka: “Seems like you like nothing better than to knock me down.”

 

Pooka: “Looks like you two just lost the game.”

Hazel: “Damn you! You made me lose the game!”

Jessie: “Who’s lost the game?”

Hazel: “Pooka just made me lose the game!”

Adam: “How?”

Pooka: “I lost the game… DAMN! I’ve just lost the game again!”

 

Charlie: “Just waiting for some other people to come in and drop pills.”

Pooka: “How many people are doing this?”

Charlie: “Jesus Christ!”

Pooka:He’s doing it? My God!!”

 

Pooka: “Are you a wanker?”

Hazel: “Yes, I’m a wanker.”

Pooka: “You’re a wanker?”

Hazel: “I’m a wanker.”

Pooka: “Do you wank?”

*long pause*

Hazel: “…Apparently.”

 

Elle: “Adam is so obviously gay.”

Scots Adam: “Bi.”

Elle: “Adam is so obviously bi.”

 

Hazel: “Hi, wanker!”

 

Amber: “I may go to sleep and come back awake.”

 

Dan: “I know what you’re all thinking. SpanThatWorld.com – I’ve seen that. It’s shit.”

 

Jimmy: “Have you seen Dan and Jeff?”

Anna: “They’re outside having gay love.”

*long pause*

Anna: “Gay sex, I tell you!!”

 

Aidan: “You’re not married?”

Adam: “No.”

Aidan: “Oh, you’re missing out!”

 

Jessie:PEER PRESSURE! PEER PRESSURE! PEER PRESSURE! PEER PRESSURE! PEER PRESSURE!” (etc…)

 

Carly: “Michael Jackson? That’s not Michael Jackson! I can’t hear Michael Jackson in there. It’s not Michael Jackson…”

[2 minutes later]

Carly: “Hey! Michael Jackson!”

 

Hazel: “Anyone want a candy stick? Courtesy of MY SECRET FRIEND!”

 

Anna S: “BREAST TOUCH!”

 

Jessie: (to Magic) “Lawrence – Lawrence – Lawrence. BIG EYES. Big. On drugs. DRUGS.”

 

Edward: “That’s quite an old bollocks!”

 


 

catalan for ‘lobster’ = escamarlá

 


 

Charlie: “Shall I give you, like, a full introduction to drugs? First I’ll show you speed, and then Ecstasy…”

 

Luci: “My five pound note is covered in drugs!”

 

Charlie: “Put it this way: if you’re fucked, I’m absolutely DEAD!”

 

Hannah: “Shut up and fuck up!”

 

[Cassie is holding a large, rather phallic balloon.]

Cassie: (brightly) “Yes, it does look very much like a giant penis, doesn’t it?”

 

[Woodcraft Gladiators. Lots of rolling around in mud.]

Jeff: “Tetanus is a word that is very much on my mind at the moment.”

 

Hazel: “I got a box of love and chocolate!”

 

Amber: “I’m going on a short ramble. I may be gone some time.”

 

Richard:Cymru. Is that the province of county you live in?”

Luci: “No, that’s actually Welsh for Wales.”

 

Amber: “What happens if you pull those strings?”

Pooka: “You’d probably lose the game.”

 

Sam Merton: “And now for Cassandra Frey-Mills. She has a double-barrelled surname, and she shoots like a double-barrelled shotgun!”

 

Luci: “We’re having a fight. It’s nothing nasty.”

 

Richard: “George, you’re so fit, you’re giving me the urge to turn right now!”

 

Edward: “I’ve just worked out the problem with having your flies open while eating. Rice.”

 

Luci: “I used to be a mathematical genius.”

 

Sam:Buh-boom!”

Hannah: “Bum?”

 

Hannah: “YOU STOLE THAT SALSA DIP!”

Sam: “Is that dip yours?”

Tom: “No.”

Hannah: “He stole it from the kitchens.”

Sam: “Oh, well if it’s stolen, that makes it all the more attractive.”

 

[linking hands]

Edward: “Aw, I love this bit. It’s like the Masons.”

 

Adam: “Pyjamas returned!”

Sam: “Oh, thank the Lord!”

 

Kitty: “I can’t lift this case up, it’s too heavy!”

Hannah: “Try taking your knee off it first.”

 

[journey home]

Kitty: “I’m still quite pissed. I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

 

Random Boy On Train: “I get the sense it might be a porn film to be honest!”


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